


Tempest In A Teacup

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Series: All Of Me [3]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Angst, Anthem Era, Canon Compliant, Car Sex, Conversations, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Family Drama, Holidays, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Internal Monologue, Love, Marijuana, POV First Person, Past Incest, Past Infidelity, Pregnancy, Revelations, Road Trips, Sad, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Content, Sibling Incest, Thanksgiving, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-03-07 05:10:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13427478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: Zac never thought he'd be the one chasing after Natalie but it seems he is. That it has been his life for months now even if maybe it's not the best thing for him and may end up bringing a storm into his life.





	1. Georgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You sure Natalie is really pregnant?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter One

Letting out a sigh as I chew on my lip I stare out the window of Taylor's car as he drives down the roads that lead to Natalie's mom's house in Georgia. A place I haven't been too since I was a teenager so I know I couldn't find it on my own if I try.

It'd be like me trying to find a needle in a haystack and wouldn't go very well. I'd get lost and somehow wind up in Kentucky probably and as I think of Kentucky I frown, thinking of a girl I have hurt who is probably heading back to Kentucky right now.

She had threatened to do as much when I told her it was over. That I had to go after Natalie because she was pregnant with my baby. A baby she hadn't even told me about during our last hours together at the motel.

No, she had just left Tulsa without telling me and Taylor was the one who informed me. A blush on my cheeks as I remembered fainting upon the news because it was the last thing I expected to hear from Taylor.

"You sure Natalie is really pregnant?" I ask as I come out of my thoughts and turn to look at Taylor. "She isn't just lying to cause drama or something?"

Taylor laughs as he looks over at me, "Natalie lie to cause drama?" he asks as if the idea is crazy but I do sense teasing in his tone because we both know it's not a crazy idea.

After all she's been doing a lot of lying over her years of being married to him. Even more so after her affair with me started.

An affair that I know has caused me to turn into both her and Taylor. A horrible person who uses people without thinking of the people I use.

Another accusation Bethany had thrown my way when I ended things with her. Though I wasn't sure she had a right to judge me after all the shit she has pulled.

Like posting my dick on the internet and fucking Taylor as well as me.

"You and I both know she would," I say defending my question. "So are you sure she is really pregnant?"

Taylor finally nods his head yes. "I was there when she took the damn test," he reveals and this information shocks me but maybe it shouldn't.

They had both left Tulsa for awhile and I have no clue what happened in their brief time away.

"Oh?" I ask as I turn to look at him curiously. "I didn't even know..." I start only to be cut off by Taylor.

"Didn't know I would visit my wife or my kids?" Taylor asks harshly, the bitterness in his tone making me wince.

I shake my head, "I mean I know you two were talking. Since you two decided to come back to Tulsa at the same time and she knew about you and Kate trying things but I didn't...I guess I didn't expect you to visit them," I confess because it's true.

Up until a few years ago Taylor was a crappy father. But then Willa's birth had changed that even if it hadn't made him a good husband still otherwise Natalie wouldn't have turned to me for what Taylor wasn't providing.

Though Taylor had no issues with giving my wife what he couldn't give his own then. Time and affection and sex. Lots of sex because damn did Natalie have a sexual appetite.

"Well I did," Taylor shrugs a bitter edge still apparent in his voice. "And I was there when she took the test. She's pregnant and she's having your baby Zac," he tells me and again I sense an edge to his voice.

An uncomfortable edge that makes me wonder what secret he is hiding because it seems like he has one. But I know better than to dig. That would make Taylor worse than what he already is with being bitter, so instead I just keep my mouth shut.

Remaining that way until Taylor arrives at Pam's house. A house she never once sold even after she moved to Tulsa. Probably knew she'd be back one day because everyone seemed to have known Taylor and Natalie wouldn't last or that Natalie wouldn't stay in Oklahoma.

Though I hope for my sake I can get her to come back there with me. I really don't want to have a child living in another state several hours and miles away from me.

I'm not like Taylor in that way or so I tell myself. I may have been a shitty husband to Kate and I may have been shit with Bethany too but I like to tell myself I'm a good dad.

My kids seem to love me anyway so I have to be doing something right.

That or they're just too young to realize they got the shit end of the stick when it came to parents.

So with knowing or thinking that I'm a good father it kind of pains me to think about Natalie keeping me away from my baby. Not getting to raise a child that is mine.

A child I wasn't planning on but one that is very much coming. One I want to take care of just like I would have taken care of Bethany's too if she hadn't miscarried it.

"You going to get out or sit in my car all day Zachary?" Taylor asks his words bringing me out of my head and I feel my cheeks getting hot.

"I'll get out," I tell him as I reach for the handle taking several deep breaths. "I'm just scared she won't want to see me. I mean she thinks it's you coming to get the kids and take them to Tulsa for the holidays early."

Taylor only rolls his eyes his permanent bitchface now staring right at me. "I am getting the kids. It's just a surprise bonus that I bring the man she is in love with to come and talk some sense into that stubborn woman."

"Stubborn is an understatement with Natalie," I tell him with a smile. Because she was stubborn and just as manipulative as the man she had been married to for most of her life.

Though she tried to downplay the manipulative card. Tried to pretend she was an angel when she was nothing but a devil.

A devil that I was in love with and wouldn't mind worshipping at the altar of.

"But that's a part of her charm," Taylor smiles finally and I wonder if he knows he's the main reason Natalie is like she is.

He probably does and doesn't even care.

I only nod at his words before finally getting out of the car. Waiting until Taylor is out and heading towards the door to follow along.

I know I'm stupid but I'm afraid if she sees me first she'll shut the door in my face. She may say she loves me but sometimes it seems she has a funny way of showing it.

Leaving me in a hotel bed naked after making love to me and declaring her love for the first time, even if she knew I had chosen Bethany then.

Not to mention keeping the secret of her pregnancy from me. Almost like she had plans too...and no I refuse to entertain that idea because the thought of losing a baby no matter the method was one I didn't like to think of. Not after Kate and Bethany both have miscarried babies by me.

Kate's may have been in the past and Bethany's more recent but they both still hurt in ways no one would ever know.

Coming out of my thoughts once Taylor rings the doorbell I just stand there as butterflies form in my stomach. Almost wishing I could run back to Taylor's car and hide out there.

Natalie none the wiser that I came all this way, that I made Taylor get the kids early in an attempt to see her. To talk about a baby I had only just found out about two days ago.

But before I even have a chance to run the door is being opened and I swallow hard at the sight of Natalie standing in her mom's doorway as she looks up at Taylor. A smile present on her face because I'm surprised after everything that somehow Taylor and Natalie are still so cool.

That they can even seem happy in the other's presence still but maybe all the years of faking it til they made it won out and somehow they were happy.

I can only hope one day that Kate and I can be that way. Maybe once she and Taylor really try it out and it works or maybe as Shepherd and Junia get older because they do deserve us getting along and not arguing all the time.

They have always deserved that.

"Zac?" Natalie asks warily as her eyes drift from Taylor over to me. "You're here?" she questions like she feels like she is dreaming.

Kind of makes me glad because I was afraid I was the only one feeling like I was in a dream these past two days but now Natalie seems to feel the same or at least she sounds that way.

I nod as I just look at her, hoping to see any signs of pregnancy on her but none are visible just yet minus an odd little glow about her face.

Which of course the signs wouldn't be present. She isn't that far along since she got pregnant on Halloween and it's now days before Thanksgiving.

"He's the one that wanted to come so I just used the excuse of getting the kids early," Taylor speaks for me and his words seem to knock Natalie out of whatever daze she was in. "He needs to talk to you Nat," he tells her and just like Taylor without another word he slips past her.

Heading inside to where his kids are and leaving Natalie and I here at the doorway. Leaving me feeling like an idiot and again with the urge just to run.

Natalie raises her eyebrow expectantly at me as I just remain silent. Obviously wanting me to tell her why I'm here. What I needed to talk about which lets me know Taylor didn't give her a heads up and I almost wish he had. It would make this so much easier on me.

"Well?" Natalie prods sounding annoyed. "What are you doing here when you should be back in Tulsa getting ready for your first Thanksgiving with Bethany?"

Taking a deep breath I do my best to seem like I'm strong instead of the nervous person I am right now. "I wanted to talk about the secret you're keeping from me Nat."

"Secret?" Natalie questions obviously still trying to play dumb and playing it well. If I didn't already know then I may have seen through her act.

"Taylor told me about the baby," I confess finally getting the words out there and they aren't how I wanted to tell her. I would have liked to have done this somewhere better than me standing on Pam's porch and Natalie in the doorway. "I know you are pregnant with my baby."

At that bit Natalie looks away from me. Her whole act seeming to fade as guilt shows on her face and at least I know she is still capable of guilt.

"I..." Natalie starts but stops as she looks back up at me. Seemingly at a loss for words. "Can you come inside? We can go to my room and talk somewhere more private," she says as she chews on her lip. "Better than here where we are," she speaks after she stops chewing on her lip.

The only response I give her is a head nod yes and with that she is moving from where she stands and I follow after her. Not minding the silence as we walk to the room she is currently occupying in her mom's house for the time being.


	2. Reputation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "I've made you a broken mess of a man."

Chapter Two

Looking at Natalie after we make it to her room I just raise my eyebrow as I sit down on her bed. Expecting her to start talking but she doesn't. Instead she just stands there in silence still looking guilty.

"Are you going to say anything?" I finally ask as I break the silence getting a bit fed up with her just not saying anything. "You kept this news from me."

"I know I did," Natalie sighs as she shakes her head. "I was going to tell you but then I found out about Beth and I chickened out. You were going to have a baby with her and then she lost the baby and we had the motel night but you chose her and it just never felt right. There was no right way or right time to tell you."

I shake my head at that wanting to feel sorry but instead I'm just angry even if I do love her no one can make me as angry as she can. Not even Bethany.

"You could have just told me anyway," I tell her as we lock eyes and I hope my brown eyes show that I'm as angry as I feel. "I deserved to know before you ran off to live here. I needed to know because it was selfish of you to even want to move here knowing you are pregnant with my baby," I mutter out not caring if I'm not making sense. "You were going to keep this baby from me."

Shaking her head Natalie runs a hand through her hair, "I'd made an appointment for an abortion after Thanksgiving," she admits and those words do nothing to kill my anger.

I know I had considered her choosing that option but to actually hear it, it makes my heart drop and my blood boil at the same time.

"You were going to kill my baby?" I ask her hating how small I sound. I don't want to sound small. I want to sound angry.

Natalie only nods her head at that. Not saying anything and I don't know if I'm okay with her silence or glad for it because at least she isn't saying something that will make things worse right now.

"Why?" I ask another question, not even sure why I have or why I want to know the reasons she has for why she would rather have aborted our child than kept it. "Do you just not want any part of me at all?"

Natalie shakes her head, "No," she mutters as her voice cracks and again I want to feel sorry but I don't. "I just knew a baby would complicate things with Beth and the life you'd have with her. Not to mention the field day your fans would have. Look at all the issues already you've been through this year. Beth leaking pictures of your dick and then your divorce from Kate. Not to mention when it becomes public knowledge that Abe is Taylor's," she sighs and the last part really hits me for some reason.

It's not something I'm looking forward too and It is a giant reminder that somehow my life has become a train wreck.

"Yeah well we'd deal with it," I tell her as I shake my head. "I'd own it like I own everything else that has happened so far."

"Really?" Natalie questions like she doesn't believe me. "You'd be okay losing more fans and getting even worse press because of this? Because if they find out this baby is yours then they're going to know we had an affair when I was married to Taylor and I doubt they'll care about the fact that Taylor was boning your own wife and got her pregnant way before you got me pregnant."

I swallow hard as I just look at Natalie, knowing in my bones that yeah I'd be okay with losing fans and getting worse press. As long as it meant I had my child in my life.

Nodding my head yes we lock eyes again, "I'd be okay with anything if it meant I had my child," I tell her and this time I don't sound small at all. I sound like a man who would put his children first. "I may be a shitty husband and my life may be a mess but I can be a damn good father."

"You're right, you are a good father," Natalie agrees as a new look takes her face and just like Taylor's in the car earlier this one makes me wonder if she is hiding something because it seems as if she is. The way she looks pained. "But I was thinking of your reputation and maybe that was wrong of me. I should have known you could handle whatever happens because you're strong in spite of what I've made you."

"What you made me?" I ask her feeling confused by that statement.

"Broken," Natalie answers as she sits beside me on the bed. "I've made you a broken mess of a man."

I want to deny her words automatically, tell her she hasn't done that. I did this myself but then again I did it by starting my affair with her so maybe in a way she has done this to me.

Natalie has helped to make me broken and make my life a train wreck.

"I broke up with Bethany," I tell her instead figuring now would be as good of a time as any. "I knew I couldn't stay with her once I knew about the baby you were pregnant with as well as the night we spent together in the hotel room. I do love Bethany but not like she deserves."

Natalie scoffs at that and I roll my eyes because of course she will always dislike Bethany.

"Pretty sure Bethany hates me now but I deserve it," I continue in Natalie's silence. "But I...I want you to come back to Tulsa, Nat."

Again Natalie scoffs and I turn my head to look at her seeing a look of disbelief on her face.

"Even after everything you want me to come back?" Natalie asks and the disbelief is also in her voice. "I may just end up ruining your life for good then."

I let out a laugh that probably isn't appropriate for the conversation we're having. "Yeah even after everything and even knowing you may ruin my life," I confirm with a nod of my head. "Plus you're having my baby and I don't want it raised so far away from me. I want to be there with everything for it."

Nodding her head Natalie lets out a sigh, "Fine, I'll come back," she agrees which surprises me because I thought she'd be more stubborn than that. "But just know that me coming back doesn't mean us getting together again no matter how much we love each other. Even if Bethany is gone."

Feeling a lump form in my throat I just nod my head too. Because maybe I had hoped we could truly try. There'd be no one in our way anymore and it'd be okay.

We could both be with the person we love and not have to worry about consequences.

"I'm no good for you Zac," Natalie tells me and now it's her speaking in my silence. "Surely you have to know that just like you know you're a broken man. I broke you and I don't think I can be the one who is supposed to put you back together."

Swallowing the lump in my throat I frown as I keep my gaze on Natalie. "If not you then who?" I ask her because I'm not sure I'm strong enough to put the pieces of my life back together.

Nor do I feel like Bethany's the one and there is no way it's Kate or even Bethany's sister Leigh who was only a one night stand.

"Maybe yourself or maybe someone else but not me," Natalie speaks as she gives me a sad smile. "I love you more than I've ever loved Taylor but I just know it can't be me who fixes you. Not when it feels that all I do is break you even more every time I'm with you."

Biting my lip I roll my eyes at her words, "Yeah, right," I mutter sarcastically watching as Natalie winces because maybe my sarcastic tone was also a bit harsh. "Let's just talk about getting you back to Tulsa. Decide what time we're leaving tomorrow because Thanksgiving is three days away and I refuse to miss spending that holiday with Shepherd and Junia," I tell her trying to be strong. "Kate's already told me she's going to bring them here for Christmas," I sigh sadly.

Not sure I expected the prospect of the first Christmas away from my kids to hurt so much.

"We can do that," Natalie agrees which for once I'm happy with something she has said tonight. At least there are small favors it seems.

*****

"Are you going to be okay?" Taylor asks as he cuts his car off after we arrive at the hotel I am staying in tonight. Pam had offered to let me sleep on her basement couch since Taylor was getting the couch in the living room but I had declined, not wanting to be near Natalie right now. "You've been off ever since your talk with Natalie."

I shake my head as I force a smile, "I'm fine Tay," I lie because why would I want to tell Taylor that my life is falling apart and Natalie seems to want to make it worse by not believing she is the one that can fix me. "Now I'm going to go inside and go up to the room that Pam so graciously booked for me after I declined her offer of staying at her house."

Taylor looks at me warily like he doesn't believe my words and he shouldn't. But even with that he doesn't question me he simply shrugs before starting his car back up and I take that as my cue to leave.

Exiting his car with the small bag I had packed before leaving Tulsa. Soon heading inside of the hotel where I go to the front desk to get the key to my room which I take in a hurry just wanting to get to my room and sleep.

If I wake tomorrow I may find out this was all a dream and that would be the best gift in the world in my opinion.

But the world must hate me because the minute I step foot in my room, my cell phone which is in the pocket of my jeans rings.

It's a ringtone I know or knew well because I had used to be so close to the caller before everything with Natalie and my life going to hell.

But once that happened I guess the person trying to contact me became a casualty to my life's mistakes.

Reaching into my pocket I grab the cell phone and hit talk before it goes to voicemail. Deciding whoever is calling me must have a good reason for doing so since it's been so long.

"Avery?" I question once the phone is up to my ear.

"Please tell me mom is wrong about her assumption that you won't be home for Thanksgiving because let me tell you Zachary that ruins the good mood I had after flying home from New York," My sister speaks and I want to laugh.

As well as tell Avery that she'd be better off without seeing me for the holidays. But I don't, I try to muster up enough courage to tell her that mom is wrong and that I'll be back in enough time. Even if I'm scared of the idea of being in front of my family since the first time since Abe's birth last month.

The first time I'll see them since it's became known that Kate and I are divorcing.


	3. Thanksgiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Avery has a wrath about as bad as Kate's.

Chapter Three

Standing in front of the mirror in my bedroom I look over my reflection for what feels like the hundredth time. Not sure why I care how I look around my family or correction I do know for sure but hate to admit it.

I hate to say that I want to look nice since it's my first Thanksgiving getting ready without Kate there to guide me. A part of me wishing I had some woman here like Natalie or even Bethany because at least they'd probably guide me in what to wear better than I can guide myself.

But alas no one is here. Kate is off in the house that used to be mine too and Bethany is in Kentucky if she was telling the truth about heading back there and Natalie is in the home Taylor is letting her have.

Taylor seemingly being allowed to crash at Nikki and Isaac's until he finds somewhere to live and I can't help but wonder if that decision was made by them or our mother.

My money's on our mom.

Shaking my head I finally move away from the mirror, heading down to the kitchen where I have a bag of rolls that I bought last minute this morning. Rolls being the one thing my mom allowed me to bring because she like everyone else knows I can't cook.

So far my life away from Kate in this apartment of mine has consisted of mostly take out. I'm afraid if I try to cook I may burn the whole apartment building down and then I will ruin even more lives with my trainwreck of a life.

I realize that would probably be fitting actually but I don't want it to happen so I will still refrain from cooking unless it's a boxed frozen meal.

Grabbing the rolls quickly I leave my apartment after double checking that I have my keys as well as my cell phone. Because just like I can't cook I'm sometimes forgetful too and the last thing I need is to lock myself out of my apartment or forget my cell in case I have an emergency.

Getting to my truck I open it and slip inside. Laying the rolls in the empty seat beside me before starting the vehicle and pulling out of my parking space.

A bundle of nerves forming in my stomach as I head to my parents house.

*****

Taking several deep breaths as I sit in the driveway of my parents house I keep telling myself that I can go in. I can face everyone and for one night forget that I'm a failure. I can do this and I have to do this after all. I want to see my kids especially since they'll be in Georgia at Christmas time and pathetically I may also want to see Natalie too.

Because Natalie is a drug I can't refuse even if she doesn't want me. Even if she wants to push me away regardless of being in love with me.

I take one last deep breath as I pocket my keys and reach for the rolls, leaving the truck and heading towards the front door of my parents house.

I don't even have time to knock before the door is thrown open and I come face to face with my mother who is smiling and if she can still look at me and smile I guess things are okay enough.

She doesn't hate her son for the fact that his life is a mess. Then again she loves Taylor still and his life has been a mess for ages.

"I was beginning to worry you were going to stay in your truck all day," Mom laughs as she moves aside so I can come in and at her words I feel my cheeks getting hot. Not having realized that I had been seen sitting out in my truck like an idiot.

I shrug as my mom takes the bag of rolls from me, giving me the freedom to take my jacket off and put it on the coat rack. "I was nervous I guess."

"Nervous?" Mom questions like that idea is crazy. That I have nothing to be nervous over. "Zachary we're your family we already know how you are. There's nothing to be nervous over," she assures me with a shake of her head and before I can respond she is walking away towards the kitchen.

Leaving me alone at the door and I just look around. Spotting a few people in the living room. Most of them kids that belong to Taylor and Natalie which lets me know both of them are here.

I just haven't found where they are just yet. Though if I had to guess Taylor may be in the kitchen since he likes to cook and bake.

Natalie though is an entirely different story. Most years she is also in the kitchen except the ones where she is pregnant and this is one of those years.

So knowing her she really could be anywhere right now.

Before I have time to start looking for Natalie I hear an excited shriek of Daddy and I turn my head because of course I know the excited shriek.

Bending down I catch Junia as she comes barreling towards me and once I have a hold of her I pepper her face with kisses. Not realizing until this moment how much I truly miss seeing my kids every day when I'm home from touring.

It's going to be a big adjustment to get used to having to share them.

"Shep and I missed you daddy," Junia tells me as she pulls away from the kiss attack some. "But mommy said you'd be here today."

I shake my head as I look down into my daughter's blue eyes, "And there is nowhere else I'd rather be," I inform her before putting her back down on the floor. "Where's your brother at?" I ask looking around for any sign of my eldest child.

A boy who in a lot of ways is already turning out like me and as much as I hate to admit it I wish he had more Kate in him.

At least Kate isn't as bad of a fuck up as me.

"With Aunt Avie watching a movie in the basement," Junia reveals as she takes my hand and I stand up letting her lead me to I presume the basement.

Something that is proven correct when we reach the doorway and I follow her down, keeping a grip on her hand because she's still not the best at stairs yet since she is only two about to turn three next month.

When we make it to the bottom of the stairs I smile when I see Shepherd sitting contently next to Avery on the couch. Abe snug on Avery's lap and for a brief few seconds I feel my heart stop because a part of me it seems almost longs for Abe to have been mine.

Even if a DNA test and Kate say otherwise.

Avery must feel me staring at her because she looks up at me with a smile on her face. Like seeing me has made her day one hundred times better and I'm not sure why. No one else seems to feel that way about me which means I probably don't make anyone's day better.

Before I can move to the couch where Avery and Shepherd are Avery stands up, walking towards me as she fixes Abe in her arms so that she doesn't drop him or mess up his neck.

"I was getting worried you wouldn't come," Avery speaks the moment that she reaches me and I blush as I feel her look me over.

I almost feel like she is checking to make sure I'm still alive or something or at least that I look okay. Okay enough to her standards.

"Well I came," I smile as she finally looks back at my face. "For you and my kids," I tell her because why not throw her in as part of the reason I came. After all she did call me in Georgia and pester me about coming and it's better than just admitting Natalie plays a huge role in why I am here.

Avery nods as if she doesn't fully buy my words but she doesn't call me on it. Instead she gives me the first genuine smile I have seen from anyone for days.

"I'm glad you came no matter the reason," Avery says as she turns to walk back to the couch and I follow behind her. "I was thinking after we all eat that you and I could go up to my room and talk," she tells me and I know better than to decline.

Avery has a wrath about as bad as Kate's. Probably because she is a Scorpio and Kate was close to being one sort of.

"Sure," I tell her though I'm almost dreading this talk she wants to have. Afraid she'll just hurt me like everyone else has lately. "But the boyfriend won't mind me stealing you away?" I question bringing up Avery's boyfriend Donald or Dylan...some D name.

I know I haven't seen him here tonight but that doesn't mean he isn't. This is a big house and people do tend to get lost amongst the fray.

Avery shakes her head, "Daniel and I broke up in August," she reveals and her information is new to me because I hadn't known and I know Avery had came in around Halloween too because she had been watching Taylor and Natalie's kids the night of the party.

Though I hadn't seen her on that visit. Hell I hadn't even seen her when we went to New York this summer either for the 5 of 5 series and I'm almost ashamed of myself.

As well as feeling very undeserving over the fact that she still seems to look up to me and want to have an older brother she can depend on.

If she wants that she'd do best hanging around Isaac then.

Before I can say anything else to her though footsteps sound on the stairs and I turn towards the stairs. Once again feeling as if my heart has stopped tonight when I see Natalie standing there all dressed up and looking beautiful.

My body automatically wanting to get up and touch her but I do my best to ignore that.

Natalie too seems a bit surprised by my presence down here but she seems to brush it off naturally as she smiles. "Diana sent me down here to tell you guys that it's time to eat," she informs us without batting an eyelash now and I wish I were as good as her at pretending things were okay.

"We'll be up in a second Natalie," Avery tells her and without even looking at my sister I can hear the smile in her voice. Letting me know that she apparently missed the tense little moment Natalie and I had a second ago.

Turning to look at her I'm proven right about the smile because she does have one on her face. Though she drops it the moment she looks at me.

"You mind helping me wrangle these three kiddos up the stairs?" Avery asks but it comes out as more of a demand. "After all, all three are your kids," she mutters oblivious to the fact that Abe isn't mine and that outside of Natalie, Taylor, Kate, Isaac and myself no one else probably knows that yet.

All they know is I'm divorcing Kate and Taylor is divorcing Natalie and I'm just wondering how long until the bottom drops.


	4. Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Don't hate me," I tell her afraid that she will hate me. "Please."

Chapter Four

Thanksgiving dinner goes by without any hitches even though to me at least the tension between Natalie, Taylor, Kate and I can be cut with a knife.

If anyone else notices they don't say anything which I'm thankful for. Because I'm not sure how I would have handled it if they had. What could I say?

That I'm off because I love Natalie and she's pregnant with my baby and oh hey by the way the reason Kate and I are divorcing is because Abraham is Taylor's baby and the kicker is I slept with Taylor a few times too and he thought for a brief time he was in love with me.

Nah I would have rather passed so I do love small favors it seems.

Small favors that I know may run out as I make my way to Avery's bedroom or the room that is hers when she is home from New York but when she isn't it is a guest room.

Opening her door I'm not surprised to find her sitting on the floor as she rolls a joint. But I'm sort of surprised she is smoking so brazenly in our parents house. At least when I lived under their roof I snuck outside to smoke so they wouldn't smell it inside.

"You are really asking to be killed if mom and dad find you," I tell her as I sit beside her on the floor. Smiling as she offers me one of the joints as well as something to light it with. "And you're going to get me killed too," I inform her as I take a hit off the joint.

It's the first time I've smoked in awhile and maybe I need this. Just to get high.

It may get some of my pent up stress out.

Avery shakes her head as she laughs before taking a hit off her own joint. "You are going to get yourself killed. I don't have a gun making you smoke right now," she shrugs before looking at me and I blush because it feels like she can see right through me.

Even more so when she raises an eyebrow.

"What?" I ask her softly wondering what's on her mind.

"Just wondering when you got that nipple ring," Avery answers as her eyes go to my chest and I blush, realizing the outline of it must be showing through this shirt. "And why you've been so distant these past few months? I haven't seen you at all and you stopped calling for our weekly check ins."

Looking away from Avery's gaze I blush even more. Not even sure what to tell her or where to start if I decide to be honest and tell her everything.

"And you're divorcing Katie. You cheated on Katie and got your dick picture leaked to the world," Avery goes on in my silence my blush deepening because I'm almost mortified at the thought that Avery could have seen my cock.

She's my sister.

Then again I have willingly slept with Taylor so I shouldn't have an issue with siblings seeing my cock. Yet with Avery I might but only because I still see her as this little girl I have to protect from the harsh world. My baby sister though she is far from a baby nor is she the true baby sister of the family.

To me she'll always be my baby sister in the end though.

Avery must sense my hesitancy to answer her because she lets out a sigh. "Fine, sense you won't open up how about I start because my life has been shit too you know," she mutters and I laugh out loud which earns me a glare from Avery.

"I just don't see how your life can be that bad at twenty-three," I defend myself before taking another hit from my joint. "But please do go on and tell me what has happened that I missed besides you and Dustin breaking up."

"His name is Daniel," Avery corrects me but does it matter? At least I got the D part right. "We broke up though because I cheated on him with one of my married professors," she admits and her words make me swallow hard.

My mind not liking the idea of my sister having sex with anyone. I guess I just want to think of her as a virgin but of course she's twenty-three and I'm just stupid.

"A married professor?" I ask her because I know sleeping with one's professor has to be all tons of wrong but a married one is even worse.

Then again I have no room to talk since I had an affair with Natalie while she was married to Taylor and I was married to Kate. An affair I started before I even knew about Kate and Taylor's own affair with each other.

"Yeah a married professor," Avery mocks me as she takes a drag off her joint. "Not sure you have any right to judge since the whole world knows you cheated on Kate. But I slept with a married professor and I got pregnant," she admits and I raise my eyebrow about to open my mouth and ask her if that means she's still pregnant but she continues to talk. "I had an abortion though and after my abortion I confessed everything to Daniel and we broke up. Then a few weeks ago my professor ended things with me because his own wife got pregnant," she frowns as she blinks several times.

A sure sign that she is close to crying.

Reaching my free hand over to her free one I take it and lace our fingers together. Giving her hand a squeeze.

"I'm sorry," I apologize though I know whatever she has been through isn't my fault but I am sorry for the shit hand she was dealt and maybe I was wrong thinking she couldn't have it as bad.

Avery shakes her head as she squeezes my hand back, "It's not your fault," she sighs. "I dropped out of college though in New York. I just couldn't...can't take seeing that professor and I'm moving back here to Tulsa. Mom isn't happy and Dad is indifferent but they've already told me I can't stay here so I'm looking for a place to stay."

Chewing my lip I know I may regret my next words but I say them anyway. "You could move in with me," I tell her. "It's a three bedroom apartment and you may have to get used to sharing a room with Junia when the kids are there but it can do until you find your own place."

"Oh yes just lovely being roommates with a three year old," Avery laughs as she rolls her eyes.

"Hey it's an offer to save you from being here with mom and dad any longer," I shrug with a smile. "And it might help me to have someone there," I sigh knowing I really haven't been alone at all since Kate and I ended.

There was Bethany and Natalie and I just hate being alone and don't want to start being alone now.

Avery raises an eyebrow at my words but neither of us say anything after that for awhile. Both of us finishing our joints in silence.

"If I chose to move in with you for the time being you need to be honest with me Zac," Avery tells me sternly as we lock eyes. "I need to know what you're dealing with so I can avoid it or know what shit I have to help you through."

Nodding my head I look away from her because I know she has a point. If she moves in she deserves to know what's wrong with me.

"It goes deeper than cheating on Kate and getting pictures of my dick leaked online," I start with a sad smile. "I had an affair with Natalie," I confess watching as Avery just gives me a look.

It's not one of total surprise though surprise is very much there.

"Is she the one that leaked your pictures?" Avery questions and I shake my head no.

"That was another woman named Bethany," I shrug sheepishly. "I've kind of had a sexual awakening these past few months that has made my life hell. I've slept with three different women and a man," I confess not sure if I can tell her the man was Taylor. "But Kate also cheated on me too Avie with Taylor and Abe is Taylor's. They were going to let me believe he was mine though Kate had a DNA test done and they knew otherwise. Kate confessed that out of guilt."

Avery just blinks for several minutes, "Damn. Maybe I should have had alcohol instead of weed," she mutters which makes me laugh.

"Yeah you probably should have," I agree as I smile and it seems real. It feels real. "There's more though. Natalie's pregnant now with my baby and I just found out a few days ago...and the man I slept with was Taylor."

Avery again blinks for several minutes and just like when I told Isaac about Taylor I have to make sure she keeps blinking. That she doesn't die of a heart attack because of that confession.

A confession I felt she was owed because of how much she had told me. She deserves the full truth from me and not half of it.

"As in our brother?" Avery questions but she sounds like she already knows the answer.

I only nod my head as I finish my joint. Doing my best to not show that I hope she doesn't hate me or berate me for the sins I have committed of sleeping with my own brother.

It wasn't like either time was planned and at least I hadn't fallen in love like Taylor thought he had with me. Like I was afraid he still was and that he was just lying to everyone so that we could all be happy or as close as we could get.

It'd make sense in ways since he was now trying with Kate. The woman who has two of my children.

Avery lets out a long sigh, "I don't know what to say," she tells me and at least there is no judgement in her voice. Just confusion.

"Don't hate me," I tell her afraid that she will hate me. "Please."

"I don't," Avery says as she squeezes my hand again. Making me realize we are still holding hands. "Just everything is a lot to take in and that Taylor bit takes the cake but I don't hate you. I guess I just never realized you were into incest."

I shake my head quickly, "I'm not," I tell her as I let go of her hand. "It was just something that happened," I defend before chewing on my lip. "That's all you should know though I mean in case you move in with me. In case you still want too," I shrug as I stand from her floor.

Avery remains silent and I know I have left her with a lot to think over. I have left her with too much probably but that is just my life.

Making it to her door I turn after I open it. "I'll see you later," I smile before leaving her room.

Heading downstairs I come to a stop when I spy my parents in the kitchen with Taylor and Natalie. I know I shouldn't listen in but my body betrays that knowledge as I walk closer to the kitchen.

My forehead creases when I hear what they are talking about. My mom congratulating them on the baby.

It's like somehow she and my dad believe the baby is Taylor and Natalie's. Something that is confirmed for me when Taylor just murmurs how happy he is about the baby.

My vision turns to red at that as I walk into the entryway of the kitchen. "Yes congratulations on the baby," I speak loud enough that all eyes turn to me and I see a guilty look on Natalie's face and nothing on Taylor's at all emotion wise which doesn't shock me.

Even if not too long ago he was claiming to love me.

He can never love anyone and I already think his relationship with Kate will be doomed.

"I'm surprised you two had any time to even make a baby," I continue before anyone can stop me. "What with your issues one of which includes Taylor cheating with Kate," I spit out before I can even think. "Did he tell you that?" I ask my parents as I turn to them seeing horror stricken looks on their faces.

"Guess he didn't which means he didn't tell you that Abe's his baby," I mutter as I glare at Taylor finally seeing some emotion on his face.

He looks angry and hurt and I'm kind of glad he is both because that's how I feel knowing he is trying to claim my baby.

Like he didn't learn anything from trying to pretend along with Kate that Abe was mine.

Before anyone can say anything to me I turn on my feet and leave. Not wanting to have to deal with the fallout of my parents or even to see Taylor and Natalie anymore.

I'm too upset with either to want to see them.


	5. Leigh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Do you want a reward for telling the truth after the fact?" I ask her with a raised eyebrow watching as Natalie finally looks back up at me.

Chapter Five

Groaning as I hear a loud knocking on my front door. I open my eyes to see the sun coming through the windows as well as the realization that I must have fallen asleep on the couch.

Which makes sense given my current state when I had came home last night. I hadn't been in the best shape and after getting high with Avery I had came home and drank a can of beer to help forget for a short time what I had overheard in the kitchen.

As well as forgetting what bit of information I had given my parents.

Wincing when I hear the knocking again I get off the couch and head to the door, running a hand through my hair which I'm sure is probably a mess.

When I reach the door I pull it open and immediately regret that once I see Natalie on the other side. She's one of the two people I don't want to see right now. No matter how much I love her because she can't just stop breaking my heart.

It seems she just finds new ways to do it like leaving me or hiding the fact she is pregnant or telling me we won't work. Letting my parents believe that she's pregnant by Taylor.

"Zac," Natalie starts before I can even ask her to leave. "I wanted to apologize for what you overheard in the kitchen. Just your mom cornered us when were alone. Said she knew I was pregnant from how I was reacting to the food smells. She just assumed the baby was Taylor's."

"And what you decided it was best if she did?" I ask remembering how easily Taylor had played along.

Natalie shakes her head as she looks down at the floor. "No but Taylor played along and I felt I had no choice. I...the truth came out after you left so they know now. They know it's your baby."

I let out a bitter laugh at her words not any less happy that it was Taylor who played along or that me getting angry was the only reason the truth came out. It should have happened before then.

"Do you want a reward for telling the truth after the fact?" I ask her with a raised eyebrow watching as Natalie finally looks back up at me. Tears in her eyes.

"No," Natalie chokes out and I can tell she is doing her best not to let her tears escape. "But I don't want this tension between us okay," she sighs. "I just want us to get along for the sake of our child. We can do that can't we?" she asks not sounding sure that we can.

Not that I can blame her for the doubts. We're not even a week in and we're already at odds with each other over something.

Something that it seems was all Taylor's fault and maybe this is a sick way for him to get back at me for not returning his supposed love or what he had thought was love.

"Yeah we can do that," I tell her though I sound as unsure as she does. "We're going to have too anyway," I sigh as I shake my head.

After that I bite my lip knowing I should invite Natalie inside but she may not want to come in. May be afraid too much time near me will kill her resolve to stay away and keep whatever we had ended.

"Do you want to come in Nat?" I ask her curiously watching as she shakes her head.

"I don't really have time. Promised Nikki we'd do some Black Friday shopping," she tells me and her words shock me because I didn't think she and Nikki were close.

Then again Natalie and Kate have fallen out this year so she needs someone and why not Nikki?

"She's doing that while heavily pregnant?" I question because Nikki is pregnant and due to give birth in March and if I were a pregnant woman that far along I don't think I'd be able to handle Black Friday shopping.

It's probably why I'm not a woman.

Natalie laughs at that, "Pregnancy has never stopped any woman from shopping," she says as she gives me a wink and I blush. Doing my best not to flirt with her because I know she doesn't want that.

I have to respect what she doesn't want.

"Yeah, yeah," I mutter under my breath. "Have fun though and call me if you need me to you know save you. We can say it's baby related."

"I doubt Nikki would believe it but I'll keep it in mind," Natalie nods before turning to leave and once she is out of sight I shut the door.

My back leaning against it as I slid down.

Things may be well between Natalie and I but I'm still mad at Taylor and want to ignore him. As long as I can anyway which I know can't be too long because of the band.

But I wish it could be a long time. I need that.

When have I ever gotten anything I need though? Never.

Shaking my head I force myself up, knowing I need to eat and shower and find something to do today. One downfall of being single it seems is how much free time I have and how easy it is to fall into boredom.

*****

I'm halfway through a The Walking Dead marathon on Netflix when my phone alerts me to a text message. A sigh falling from my lips as I pause the episode I'm watching to pick up my phone and check the message. Seeing it is from my sister.

Which surprises me as I figured she'd just ignore me a bit longer as she processed everything I told her last night.

Then again Avery is strong so maybe she didn't need so much time to process it all. Maybe she has processed everything and is adjusting well.

That or she wants me to pay her therapist bill or something which I'll just say no too. I already have to think of my kids future therapist bill one day as well as all the child support I will probably owe Kate and Natalie in the end.

Opening the message though I am almost relieved it isn't her asking me for money to pay her therapist bill. Instead she's asking me if I want to go out for lunch.

The invitation making me smile some. Though the idea of going out isn't one I like since it is the day after Thanksgiving and I expect every place to be busy.

Even my favorite place of all Taco Bueno.

I send a text back to Avery with my hesitance on going out. Feeling a bit surprised at how fast she responds back to me but I'm not as surprised by what she says back.

Just her still badgering me to go regardless of how busy it is.

My sister always was the persistent one and again it's something she has in common with Kate. Because my ex-wife always did love to bother me about things or keep an argument going just to keep it going.

Unlike Kate though I find myself unable to say no to Avery. It's probably leftover guilt from what I told her last night as well as the distance I put between us through the past year.

Shaking my head I text Avery again asking her what time she wants to meet and which Taco Bueno she wants to go too.

It's only fair she picks since she's the one who wants to hang out and I'd rather stay home and watch netflix. Live the true semi bachelor lifestyle.

I may even let myself get fatter than what I already am. Eat my feelings away.

*****

"You know I didn't think you were going to come," Avery tells me as she sits across from at a Taco Bueno an hour later. Half our food is already gone yet we're still sitting here, neither of us ready to leave yet.

A part of me wondering if she dreads going back to our parents house. Especially if our mom is giving her hell for dropping out of college in New York, which I suspect she is.

It would make sense for our mother no matter how much she loves us. She has a tendency to get as angry with us too or meddle in our lives which is why I have stopped telling her most of my problems. I figure Kate did enough of that when we were married.

Though she kept some secrets from her too since my mom had no clue Kate was cheating. Still had no clue up until last night that Abe was Taylor's son.

Half of me still almost wishing selfishly that he was mine. Just so I could be stubborn and one up Taylor once in my life.

Hurt him the way he hurts me. An art Natalie must have learned from him.

"I thought about not coming," I confess after taking a sip of my almost watered down soda. "Just passing and staying in to binge watch the rest of The Walking Dead."

Avery makes a face like she isn't shocked by my confession. I didn't expect her to be, she knows me well enough and had said herself she didn't think I would come.

"I'm glad you chose to come though," Avery smiles and she almost looks grateful for my coming. "I wanted to tell you face to face what my decision was on moving in with you," she continues and her last few words shock me.

I wasn't expecting her to already have her mind made up. If she figured it out this fast then surely she isn't moving in with me.

My confession last night probably left a bad taste in her mouth.

"And what did you decide?" I ask bracing myself for her answer not sure why I'm scared for it.

I wasn't even positive I wanted her to move in. I mean yeah her presence would have been nice especially on the days I didn't have my children but I just hadn't been sure about it.

Yet here I am feeling afraid of being rejected and her saying no, that she won't move in with me. That I come with too much baggage for my dear sweet sister to handle.

Baggage I can barely handle on my own.

Avery chews her lip briefly like she is afraid to tell me. Which confirms what I already suspect. She is going to tell me that she is choosing not to move in with me.

"I guess you have a new roommate," she speaks finally smiling again and I take several seconds to digest her words.

Words that I had been expecting to be different and I'm so happy that they aren't which again surprises me. Because I really hadn't been positive on wanting her to move in with me.

"You just have to promise to help get me moved in," Avery continues in my silence.

Returning her smile I nod my head, "I can do that," I tell her knowing it's the least I can do for her.

After I say that a almost comfortable silence falls over us and we stay in it for a bit. Until Avery decides to leave first, promising to call me this weekend at some point so we can decide on when to start moving her in.

I only nod my head and watch her leave. Staying seated a while longer before eventually standing up, collecting my trash before heading towards the exit.

Throwing my stuff away I turn to leave but before I make it to the door I bump into someone who lands on the ground and when I bend down to help them I pause when I come face to face with Leigh.

Not having expected to see Bethany's sister here because I guess I just thought she'd follow her sister back to Kentucky.


	6. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Two people intent on setting their worlds on fire don't need to be together.

Chapter Six

Leigh pauses as she looks at me as well. Both of us becoming stuck in some weird awkward staring contest. Like we've seen a ghost from our past and I guess we have.

She's a one night stand I kind of regret, for much more than the fact that she's Bethany's sister. She's just another reminder of all the mistakes I have made this year.

All this mistakes I might keep making if I don't get my shit together. Though I have no clue where to even start with getting my shit together.

"Zac," Leigh speaks first as she blinks before looking away. Being the first to break our awkward stare down. "I wasn't expecting to see you," she says as she stands up and I follow suit.

"I was having lunch with my sister. Was on my way out."

It was the truth though I wasn't sure if she believed it or not. Who knew what all Bethany had said to her about me. Things that could be believable given that I had just used Leigh for my own selfish reasons. I had been a selfish person and just took her when I couldn't have Natalie or Bethany.

Bethany was I was starting to realize my Natalie substitute. So I guess Leigh had been a stand in substitute when I had turned to her.

Leigh nods before giving me a smile, "Do you think you can stay?" she asks and her question makes me feel dumbfounded.

Why would she want me to stay? I've hurt her sister and I'm not into her.

Except, maybe she wants me to stay so she can yell at me. Make me feel worse about myself than I already feel lately.

She could probably do a bang up job at making me feel more like shit. She is Bethany's sister and Bethany was good at that. Probably because Bethany was so much like me.

A person who was bound to set their own world on fire and get burned in the process.

"I just...there is something I need to tell you," Leigh clarifies which doesn't ease my worries at all. Instead I think it exacerbates them.

Makes them worse because god what if she was pregnant too? That would be the last thing I needed this year to get three women pregnant even if one of them had miscarried my child.

I was Taylor's brother though and maybe I had the super sperm gene too. The fans did like to mock us for having so many children.

Heaving a sigh I just nod my head, going against my better judgement and agreeing to stay.

"You can sit at a table while I order," Leigh tells me and again I just wordlessly nod. Letting my legs carry me towards a table and once again my mind is running.

Thinking of all the things she could want to tell me and again my biggest concern is she is pregnant. If that's the case the fans will really have a field day and I may be even more of a broken mess of a man than Natalie thinks.

Which the thought of Natalie and how she'd handle it if Leigh was pregnant makes me nervous too. She hated Bethany, she'd probably hate Leigh as well.

I also think she'd just hate anyone I was with who wasn't her. Even if she refuses to be with me.

Natalie doesn't want me, yet she also doesn't really truly want me to move on or find anyone who can put me back together.

It's a sad thought and somehow that seems to be a theme right now. Sad thoughts and inner self-loathing. It makes me almost wish my sister was still here right now.

At least when she was here I was okay. Just like I was okay hanging out with her on Thanksgiving even after confessing the truth to her.

Coming out of my thoughts when Leigh finally joins me at the table, I raise my eyes and look at her expectantly. "Well," I start with a soft sigh. "What do you have to tell me?"

Leigh takes a bite of her food before answering me. Something which I'm sure is a diversion tactic. A way to stall things some.

But she can't stall forever, not truly.

"It's about my sister," she starts and her word make my heart beat just a tiny bit faster again. "She...well..she didn't have a miscarriage," she admits so soft that I'm almost not sure I hear her right.

When she looks me in the eye though and I see the guilty look there I know I have heard her right.

The idea alone making me feel dizzy and nauseous because if Bethany didn't miscarry then does that mean she is still pregnant?

Has she done a Natalie and ran while carrying my child. Something I probably deserve since I did dump her because of Natalie and the fact I will forever love the damn woman who wants to keep putting new knives in my back.

"She's still pregnant?" I finally have the courage to ask.

Hating that I'm afraid of the answer as well as hating that I want her to say no. I truly don't want Bethany to still be pregnant.

Which I'm sure makes me an awful person but us having a child together wouldn't be good. It'd complicate things even more than what they already are in my life.

Leigh shakes her head fast before taking another bite. Only answering me again after she has swallowed it.

"She's not still pregnant," she tells me and I can see from the look on her face she isn't sure how to say things just yet. "She didn't miscarry but she did have an abortion. She only lied because she wanted to make Natalie look bad."

I blink several times after Leigh's admission, not sure what I'm shocked over. Out of everything Bethany having an abortion makes sense.

The fact that she'd lie though and try to blame Natalie for a miscarriage she never had is something else. Something I wasn't sure she had in her.

"Well I guess that isn't the only reason she lied," Leigh continues in my silence. "She lied because she knew she wasn't pregnant with your baby. She was carrying Austin's baby and she didn't want it because it wasn't your baby."

Again I'm not sure why I'm shocked by this. None of this should shock me. This is a typical Bethany move and maybe it's the final thing I need to know to let me know I did the right thing.

I did something right at least by letting Bethany go.

Two people intent on setting their worlds on fire don't need to be together.

That thought doesn't sit well with me in the slightest bit sadly. Because deep down, I also know the same could be said of Natalie and myself.

We're two people who seem to be intent on setting our own respective worlds on fire. Except Natalie always seems to never burn with hers.

She always comes out unscathed and I wish I knew how she did it. Just like I wish I knew how she is content on living without me.

How can she go on breathing? How can she be certain she isn't the one I need to put me back together?

I numbly nod my head after digesting or trying and failing to digest Leigh's words.

"Thanks for telling me," I tell her and that's probably the most genuine thing I can say right now. "I'm glad you had the decency to admit the truth finally," I add on because I have a feeling she has known for some time and just hasn't said for her own reasons.

But finally something today made her be honest.

After saying that to her, I stand up and walk out finally. Making it to my truck which I start up, already just wanting to be home.

I can drown myself in shitty TV shows and alcohol again.

Especially the alcohol part...I'm not an alcoholic I swear but well it helps to make me forget at least until I'm sober again.


	7. Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Even if the unpacking had been all us. Just her and I.

Chapter Seven

"I think that's everything," I mutter out as I turn to look at Avery who I have just helped finish unpacking her things into my place.

The moving and getting her settled in having taken less time than I thought it would. Then again our parents and occasionally Isaac and Taylor had helped as well. It had felt like a true family effort.

Even if the unpacking had been all us. Just her and I.

"So I'm home now," Avery smiles as she looks at me too. Her brown eyes looking relieved, not that I can blame her to be honest.

I'm sure my place is much better than where she was staying at our parents.

I nod my head as I shot her a playful smirk. "You're home, at least until I get sick of you," I tease but the sad reality is she'll probably be the one getting sick of me.

How could she not?

My life is a mess and I'm just going along for the ride. Not sure exactly how to pick up the pieces or even stop it because I had thought Natalie held all the keys but she didn't.

In fact she didn't want me or if she did she was playing good at hiding it. I hadn't heard much from her since Black Friday which had been two weeks ago now.

The Christmas holiday soon upon us and obviously Natalie was busy with stuff that had to do with that. Like buying last minute gifts as well as dealing with her pregnancy. A pregnancy it seemed she was telling me little about.

All I knew was that she had an ultrasound in a few days. She had told me via text as well as telling me that I could come if I wanted and a part of me did.

Of course I'd go because she was still carrying my child, regardless of everything else and I had always been there for all of Kate's stuff or at least I had been to the best of my ability.

Sometimes stuff with the band got in the way.

"Hopefully you won't get sick of me so soon," Avery retorts her voice bringing me out of my thoughts and I give her my best smile.

I don't want her knowing that once again I'm throwing a damn pity party, even if she can probably help with that somehow.

"Let's hope not," I reply back hoping I sound much more confident than I feel. "Because I'd hate to lose my roommate so soon," I tease before turning to leave the room that is her bedroom...or well it's her bedroom most of the time.

On the days I get the kids from Kate it will be Junia's room as well and Avery will sleep on the couch. An arrangement she knew of beforehand and was okay with.

Hopefully she'll still be okay with it once it all is actually happening.

Though my first weekend with the kids alone is supposed to be after New Years. Kate somehow working her magic to get the kids through Christmas.

A holiday where she plans to take them to Georgia. Which means it will be my first holiday without them.

I can only hope that somehow all of us adjust. I hope that with everything going on right now, but, then again it seems everyone is adjusting just fine.

Everyone but me anyway.

"Are you okay?" Avery asks as she follows behind me. "You're teasing me and all but you seem off."

Stopping in my tracks I turn to face my sister as I make a face, wondering just how much I can tell her. How much is too much?

She probably still thinks I'm crazy for all that I told her at Thanksgiving and to be honest I don't need her running for the hills the day she gets unpacked fully.

That wouldn't be fair to me or her.

"Do you want the truth or a lie?"

It's a simple question I know but well, I need to know her answer as well as see her face when she says it. So I can gauge how much I can actually tell her.

So I can decide what parts of my pity party to keep from her. A thought that saddens me because again I'm reminded of how close we used to be and in the span of months to a year everything has changed.

I've kept secrets from her and lost touch with her. Which more than likely forced her to not tell me about her cheating on her boyfriend with her professor and getting pregnant.

Forced her not to tell me about her abortion. Something I don't judge her for even if maybe I judge Bethany.

But Bethany is different in ways. She lied about the baby even being mine and only got rid of it because it wasn't mine.

"The truth," Avery answers and from the way she gazes at me intently I know she means it. She wants the truth no matter how bad it is.

Which leaves me wondering if I am second guessing her. Maybe she won't run for the hills. Maybe she'll stay right here with me.

Unless of course I am the one who runs her off. I did that with Bethany in ways but after talking with Leigh it seems more like that was a good thing.

I'm not sure how I would have handled finding out about her lies had we still been together when I found out. It probably would not have been pretty at all.

For either of us.

Sighing I run a hand through my hair. "I'm not okay," I tell her with a shake of my head. "I don't think I've felt okay since things with Natalie ended and it feels like things just keep getting worse," I shrug as I look away from her.

Feeling like if I keep looking at her she'll see inside of me. She'll see every part of me that I want to hide from her.

The parts I want to hide from everyone and wish that I could hide from myself on good days.

"How do they keep getting worse?" Avery questions and I frown, knowing I haven't told her about Bethany's abortion or her lie about the baby being mine.

It had just never came up or felt like the right time.

Not to mention, how do I tell her that with her own history? Will she hate me for having some judgement on Bethany?

"I ran into Bethany's sister on Black Friday," I start with a tiny sigh. "She told me some things like how Bethany lied about her baby being mine and there was no miscarriage because she had an abortion. She didn't want the baby because it wasn't mine and I don't know I hate her and I wonder what it is about me...why I can't just have someone, something that isn't destined to fall apart or be doomed somehow."

Now it's Avery's turn to sigh and I look up to see her looking away from me. A part of me afraid I've offended her by saying I hate Bethany.

Because the insinuation was I hated her for having an abortion. I may have judged her but I didn't hate her because of it.

I hate her because she lied to me. She had planned to continue lying to me if we had stayed together and wasn't I worth the truth?

Wasn't I worth anything?

"I think what you need is counseling," Avery finally speaks as she looks back at me. A tiny smile on her face and if she was upset with what I said before she is doing well at hiding it.

Then again aren't all of us Hanson's good at hiding stuff?

Well most of us, Isaac seems pretty straightforward and Zoe seems too young to really be hiding anything too big yet.

Hopefully when she gets old enough she'll take after Isaac.

"Oh yeah," I retort teasingly with a roll of my eyes. "I'm not sure any counselor around could handle my sob story. That or they'd go to the press and blab all my sordid details," I add on knowing the last one is something that could happen.

After Bethany leaking my dick pictures I don't really have the best record with trusting strangers.

"Fine, just continue moping then," Avery tells me as she shakes her head. "Though if you ever want to talk, I'm here figuratively and literally," she nods before moving to walk past me and I just stand there and watch her leave.

Of course I know she is here to talk but no one deserves the burden of all my thoughts. No one but me anyway.

*****

"So," Avery starts after dinner, the both of us seated on the couch. "Taylor's been texting me," she says as she looks up from her phone. "He wants to know if we want to go out for drinks after a long day of unpacking my stuff."

Looking at her I raise my eyebrows because I can see just from the look written on her face that she wants to go.

I'm just not sure a night of drinking would be good for me.

"You can go without me," I tell her as I keep my eyebrows raised though I give her a smile. Hoping she knows she has my blessing.

She doesn't have to stay and keep me company, I'm perfectly capable of being on my own.

Avery shakes her head as she crosses her arms over her chest, "No," she states plainly. "You should come too. Drinking may make your life not feel so bad."

"Or it could make it feel worse," I tell her but I know from the look she is giving me that she isn't going to relent.

Avery wants me to go and how can I tell her no?

Hell, if Taylor were here he'd be the same way and I also at times can't tell him no either.

"But I'll go," I add on watching as Avery finally smiles. "Just know if I don't have fun I'm blaming you."

"Nah, just blame Taylor," Avery smirks before standing from the couch. "Now come on," she says holding her hand out to me.

A hand I take as I pull myself up.

"I need to help you get ready," she tells me as she drags me down the hallway towards my room and I almost want to ask what is wrong with what I have on.

But I think better of it because it's me and I'm not the best dressed Hanson, ever. So there is probably something indeed wrong with what I am wearing.

It's probably not casual enough for drinks or it could be too casual for drinks as well.

In the end I'll just trust Avery's judgement.


	8. Voyeur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Taylor will always have one downfall. He can't keep it in his pants.

Chapter Eight

Letting out a loud sigh, I look around the bar where Avery and Taylor have drug me out too. My forehead creasing because I haven't seen either of them in ages and I'm almost afraid they went and left me here without telling me.

It wasn't like I could blame them if they had. I'm not the best drunk around and I haven't been the most fun tonight either it seems. I've just been off by myself in a spot at the bar all night drinking.

Not drinking much I have only had two beers because I don't want to get too wasted. Don't want my judgement to be worse than what it already is. My bad judgement is what has literally been ruining my life this year and I need to turn that around.

Maybe if I do Natalie might want me again. She might see that we can work out and we can be a family. Her kids, my kids, and our baby on the way. Some weird messed up dysfunctional family which really seems like my family anyway at this point.

Shaking my head, I reach into the pocket of my jeans for my phone. My forehead creasing even more when I see that there is no texts from Taylor or Avery letting me know they have left but both are clearly missing. Not in the bar anymore and wouldn't that be some fucked up irony if they forgot about me?

Everyone eventually does or I make it to where they can. I treat them awful enough that they have too.

Putting my phone back into the pocket of my jeans I pay my tab quickly and stand from where I have been sitting. Heading outside to call a cab or something.

If Taylor and Avery have abandoned me then I'm just going to find my way home some other way. Then tomorrow I'll let them both hear it for abandoning me or maybe I will let Avery hear it sooner since she lives with me now. 

But before I can even reach for my phone again I pause in my steps as I see Taylor's car still here. Though it seems he has parked it somewhere different than where it was when Avery and I first showed up here. It's farther away from the bar, farther away from people.

Raising an eyebrow I walk closer to the car. Only stopping when I can see inside and once I can, again I pause. Feeling frozen on the spot at the scene I see playing out in the backseat of Taylor's car.

Taylor and Avery are as naked as the day they were born. Taylor's head between our sister's legs as her head is thrown back against the seat.

Everything in my body is telling me to run. Telling me not to watch this because it's a private moment even if it's in a public place and anyone could come by. That doesn't give me a right to be a damn voyeur. 

My brain or body one though refuses to do what it is being told. Instead I just stand there and watch the scene in front of me unfolding. My body seeming to react to the scene as well as my cock begins to get hard. My pants getting tighter as I watch Taylor move away from between Avery's legs.

His body moving over hers as he enters her. The both of them crossing that final line of incest.

A line I have crossed with Taylor a few times but I'm surprised Avery is now in that position. I'm surprised that somehow Avery has found herself in Taylor's many notches on his bedpost. Like I have been, Like Natalie has been, Like my ex-wife Kate has been.

Kate, the woman he is supposed to be trying to make a relationship work with but I guess in the end, Taylor will always have one downfall. He can't keep it in his pants.

Something that I wonder if it's a Hanson thing, but no. If that was the case then surely Isaac and Jessica would be just as bad and both of them have perfect marriages.

Isaac's being a bit shocking since he was a womanizer before Nikki but it seems Nikki has changed him.

Biting on my lip I reach down to rub at the crotch of my jeans. A small blush forming because again I shouldn't be watching this, I shouldn't be turned on by this but I am and I'm not sure if it's the fact that it's just because it's sex or because it's Taylor who I have had sex with before.

Hell maybe it's even the fact that it's Avery, who looks more beautiful than I have ever seen her in this moment right now or maybe it's even the fact that it's my siblings, committing such a taboo act together. Going to places forbidden together.

A part of me wanting that too but I'm not sure I should be having careless sex right now. Not when every fiber of me still wants Natalie.

It wouldn't be fair to whoever I sleep with because I fear I'd get too clingy and our relationship would just turn out like the one I had with Bethany.

With that thought, I turn on my heel. Heading back inside the bar and towards the bathroom. Knowing I need to get off and get rid of this erection and somehow when Taylor and Avery come back I have to try to play cool. I have to try to pretend that I never saw them having sex.

That my little part in playing voyeur didn't turn me on and made it to where I have to go into a disgusting bar bathroom and get off. My brain more than likely conjuring images of what I have just seen. Though I'd love it if it were Natalie I'd masturbate too but I think what I saw has doomed me.

Made it to where that is all I am going to see for awhile.

It's literally how my fucking luck is in the end.

*****

"I saw you," I blurt out the minute Avery and I step inside of our apartment. I can't stop myself from saying those words and I blame the beer I had before leaving, feeling a bit looser with my tongue now. "I saw you and Taylor."

"What do you mean you saw me and Taylor?" Avery asks as she walks to the couch where she sits down. Her face clearly a mixture of confusion and horror.

If that even makes sense but it makes sense to my alcohol infused brain.

"I mean I saw you guys having sex in the backseat of his car," I tell her as I walk to the couch as well sitting down next to her. "I thought you guys had left the bar without me and I went to call a cab and I saw Taylor's car was still there so I went towards it. I saw you two."

Avery blushes as she looks away from me then, "I..I don't know what to say," she sighs clearly not having expected me to have seen.

"It's not like I can judge you," I smile with a small shake of my head. "I've slept with Taylor too. I'm just shocked you actually did it. I didn't think incest was your thing," I tease her but my words are true.

I didn't think it was given her reaction when I told her about how I'd been with Taylor. She may not have hated me but she did look like she may have thought I was crazy and now weeks later she had been beneath Taylor. 

She had let Taylor go down on her.

"It's not," Avery shrugs all bashful now, her eyes not even looking at mine. "But I had a few drinks and was horny and it'd been awhile. Tay was there and he was angry after an argument with Kate," she reveals and well I guess that makes sense because I know how Kate can be.

I was married to her for years and I'm still surprised it took me so long to cheat on her.

"Why him though?" I ask before I can stop myself. "I was there too and lonely," I speak not even sure where my words are coming from but again maybe I can blame it on that last beer I had. "Why him?"

Avery laughs then her bashfulness seeming to fade away, "Because he's always available to everyone it seems," she spoke with a roll of her eyes. "And you're so stuck on Natalie that I'm not sure I'd want to risk having sex with you and being called Natalie's name," she says as she stands from the couch then.

"But if it wasn't for that it could have been you. You're the brother I trust more to do something like that with on more than one occasion, without it biting me in the ass."

I swallow hard at that but before I get a chance to reply Avery has walked away from me. Heading to her room and I'm just left on the couch.

My eyes shutting tight as my thoughts swim with her last words. That she'd trust me enough to have an ongoing sexual relationship with me, despite the fact that she isn't even really into incest and sex with siblings.

Then again neither am I but sometimes who knows you better than your family? 

At least sometimes usually they can never leave or hurt you but I'm sure over this past year Taylor and I have both hurt each other enough to prove that family can hurt you the most sometimes.

Which I don't want Avery to feel. I don't want her getting hurt by Taylor or being as messed up as me. I need her as my anchor since Natalie refuses to be that right now.

But again maybe once I fix myself she will be willing. She'll realize we're right for each other.


End file.
